THE STRUGGLES OF ADULT-ING: MIDDLE FINGER TO DEPRESSION

June I welcome you with open arms and mind. I am also keeping my fingers crossed that life goes as planned, while likewise propelling myself, jotting plans for the day by day in a bit to be sorted out and utilize my 24hrs viably.

May was a month for mental awareness. Depression was really talked about. I loved the fact that people are getting more vocal about it. We all should give depression a middle finger.

There are a million and one things to be said about these previous couples of months. I couldn't have imagined a large portion of the things that accompanied them however there they were in any case. Educating me. Molding me and sometimes crushing me.

There was happiness. There was sadness, both mental from some setbacks and emotional. There was an adventure. Oh, how sweet it was for me to discover this part of myself and also pursuing it since last year. Should I share my bucket travel list? There was also growth and soul searching. A couple of tears and even more laughter. But none of that matters as much as the fact that I am finding peace at the end of it all. A mix of emotions. Unsure about this new phase I’m currently in but also super positive and determined.

I’ve also been feeling this wave of letting go and facing my fears. So much that it gets me in a mood that I do not like but yeah I’m fine though. Hoping: That everything works out and I get to see the bigger picture sooner than later.

The truth is, I’m not always “strong”. I suppress my emotions and put on a brave face to keep myself in good spirit, yes but it is sometimes because I don’t want anyone to see me sulking or crying. I have realized that it is okay to be vulnerable, it is okay to cry. I am still not very good at it but I am slowly beginning to allow myself to express my emotions and simply cry when I need to.

I wrote on my Instagram post about how I wanted to give up but reminded myself  "What do we say to the thoughts of not giving up? Not Today! Not Ever!!" ( Only Game of Thrones fans will understand that line😛). I had several people reach out to me and I must say that I was overwhelmed by the love.

Nobody has it all together we all go through different things at different stages in life, we all have our  down moments but there are some things we can’t change even if we tried and sometimes we go through these things to become better, like Gold going through fire to become what makes it precious and priceless. In those times, all you have to do is trust God. And in those days I woke up feeling low about myself, "Trust in You"  and "Look up Child" by Lauren Daigle was the song that I listened.

"You are my strength and comfort

You are my steady hand

You are my firm foundation

The rock on which I stand

Your ways are always higher

Your plans are always good

There's not a place where I'll go

You've not already stood"

When you don’t have it all together, focus on the good, no matter how little it appears-knowing that God has it all together for you. It can be hard, really hard but choosing to remain “down” wouldn’t change a thing, only God can.

Live!!! Time passes and you are so worried about where you want to be or where you think you should be that you forget to enjoy the moment that you have now other than worry about tomorrow that you cannot see.

There were days when I woke up doubting the universe and days where I woke up with a sort of quiet assurance that everything good will come.

I want to remind you that you have not lived your best days yet. Your best days are still ahead of you. ❤️❤️❤️